My pregnancy with you,
I was able to conceive with ease.
And somehow this convinced me,
These nine months would be a breeze.
Because with my first pregnancy,
I threw up daily all around.
But it was a flawless pregnancy;
Not one issue could be found.
But this pregnancy I've felt so great,
I was practically ecstatic.
Until a series of incidences,
Showed things were a bit problematic.
The first problem they detected,
Was possible Down Syndrome.
The doctor called to tell me the results,
And left me to panic alone.
But further intense testing,
And researching to frustration,
Revealed that all the needless panic,
Was over a simple miscalculation.
Then my right leg began to swell,
And the doctor thought it possible,
That I had formed a blood clot,
And he sent me to the hospital.
Naked I laid while they scanned my body,
To find my veins and arteries unscathed.
To which I breathed a sign of relief,
And promised next time I would shave.
Then came the issue of sugar,
Which polluted my urine like debris.
I shrugged and told the doctor,
That maybe I just have sweet pee.
Despite my sound argument,
My doctor demanded with insistence,
That I go straight down to the lab,
And be tested for insulin resistance.
So every week I'd fast at night,
And go to the lab in the early morn.
But all those glucose readings,
Showed my blood sugar was in the norm.
Then I developed a month long cold,
And my begging was quixotic.
Because the doctor finally caved,
And prescribed a strong antibiotic.
For 10 solid days I took those pills,
But women, you know the next section.
Pregnancy plus antibiotic,
Equals a raging yeast infection.
So 10 more days on different meds,
And I was finally feeling restored.
With no pregnancy problems,
I was even feeling a little bored.
But at 32 weeks and still sugary pee,
My doctor, who's much like Archimedes,
Demanded I do one more test,
In which they diagnosed gestational diabetes.
So that means four times a day,
I have to prick my finger.
In the morning and after meals,
To see how long the glucose would linger.
I have to cut out all sugar,
And plan my meals to a science.
And send my doctor a weekly report,
So he can ensure I'm in strict compliance.
And though my diet and exercise
Were a true marvel of discipline,
A few weeks after my diagnosis,
I was prescribed insulin.
So between the shots in the belly,
And all the blood testing from dawn,
If I drink a glass of water,
I can easily sprinkle our lawn.
Then about two weeks ago,
At a routine doctor's exam.
The amniotic fluid looked way too low,
When they reviewed the sonogram.
The sudden drop in fluid,
Caused my doctor a lot of stress.
So I was immediately sent home,
And put on strict bed rest.
Which means I can only get up,
To shower or to pee.
So I just lay around and fan myself,
Like a member of the bourgeois.
And when the boredom and loneliness,
Become too great to handle,
I make myself a cup of tea,
And stream another Scandal.
And twice a week we review the evidence,
Like a criminal hoping to be acquitted.
As my doctor gives me a thorough exam,
To see if I need to be admitted.
But so far all the ultrasounds,
And every urine sample,
Say you and I are doing fine,
Even though our fluids aren't quite ample.
So they can poke and prod me,
And you can bounce on my bladder.
And they can keep me in a state of worry,
But it truly doesn't matter.
Because here's the deal my darling child,
None of this is a bother.
Because there's simply no lengths that I won't go,
For you, your sister or your father.
Because I know, despite what I'm told
In the medical vernacular,
There is no doubt in my racing mind,
That you are anything but spectacular.
And though it's been a long road,
I can't wait for our first embrace.
And every moment will be worth it,
When I see your perfect face.
But now I have a simple request,
And I hope you will abide.
When I go into labor,
Let's aim for a sneeze and slide.
